


Be Merciful and Set Me Free

by patientalien



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark, Force Visions, Mind Games, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of the 3rd Season Episode "Altar of Mortis" - Obi-Wan is taken by the Son and experiences visions of his past - and future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Merciful and Set Me Free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [citizenjess (givehimonemore)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/gifts).



> Written for citizenjess because she asked and because I love her. It took much longer than it should have to finish. Title from "If I Burn" by Emilie Autumn.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is ready to leave Mortis far behind. With Ahsoka at the helm, he sits in the cargo hold with Anakin, watching him sleep. He's still not entirely certain what they've experienced was real, but it seems real enough and the toll it has taken on Anakin is also frighteningly real. 

Obi-Wan isn't sure when he started to believe Anakin was truly the Chosen One. Qui-Gon had believed whole-heartedly, and Obi-Wan's sure many on the Council do as well, but he's not sure when his mind changed. Now, though, he knows. 

It's not that he's unaware of the kind of power Anakin has, but in the Arena it took on a new clarity; Anakin is a vessle of the Force itself and feeling the Force flow into him there, be channeled and controlled by him - it was exhilarating, and terrifying. 

Now, Anakin is spent, sleeping on the narrow bunk, but Obi-Wan can feel the Force swirling around the shuttle; he's not sure if it's from Anakin or from the planet itself, but it's unsettling.

Firm hands grasp his upper arms and Anakin wakes with a shout as the Son hisses in Obi-Wan's ear, "You're coming with me." The lower cargo doors open and Anakin's yelling his name but it's lost in the wind whipping by Obi-Wan's ears. The Son is holding him tightly and then transforms, and everything goes dark.

\-----

 

Echoing silence. The feeling of chains around his wrists. Obi-Wan comes back to himself in fitful spurts, and when he opens his eyes, he's alone. Not entirely alone, he realizes. There's a slithering presence in the Force, a slimy sensation worming its way over his mind. 

"Obi-Wan." The voice is achingly familiar, and this is the second time he's heard it in as many days. It chills him as it did the first time, and his head snaps up to see Qui-Gon Jinn standing before him, glowing and otherworldly. "You've failed, Obi-Wan," he says. 

That statement makes Obi-Wan's heart thud painfully. "Failed, Master?" he stammers out. The reasons are myriad, and they slam into him. He failed on Naboo. He failed training Anakin. 

"You were never the apprentice I wanted." Plain truth, and Obi-Wan had thought he'd come to terms with the knowledge years ago, but it still is a laser-scorch. It's strange how easily he falls into agreeing, after all the time he's spent working through his insecurities, all the energy spent releasing them into the Force. It feels familiar, this pain. 

Still, he bows his head. "I know, Master," he says. He knows. He is not Feemor, or Xanatos. He is not Anakin. He was a placeholder, a way station between one truly-wanted (fallen) apprentice and the next. 

Qui-Gon looks at him, and there's something in his eyes that was not there in the cave. Something feels wrong, prickling up his spine. It feels like Korriban. It feels like Zigoola. "You disappoint me," Qui-Gon says, and it's dark again.

\-----

 

He's no longer chained, and the room he's in is different but nonetheless looks familiar. Standing, his hand finds his lightsaber by instinct and part of him is surprised it's still there. The blue beam and familiar hum comfort him for a moment, center him and ground him. 

"Son!" he calls out into the emptiness, his voice reverberating off the walls of a place his mind can't readily identify but his soul seems to know. "Whatever it is you hope to gain from this, it won't work!" He has nothing pithy to say, no teasing comments. 

"Won't it?" It's not the Son's voice, and Obi-Wan swings his blade in the direction of the sound, the light casting blue haze over the figure standing in the shadows. 

It's the hair that gives him away, a jet-black fall of hair that identifies him before Obi-Wan even sees the broken-circle scar. "Xanatos." Qui-Gon's former apprentice, turned Dark. A betrayer, a menace, a specter from Obi-Wan's apprenticeship that had haunted him at every turn, seeking revenge. 

Xanatos smirks, then grins, predatory, stalking towards him, white teeth glinting in the waning light. "You sound unhappy to see me," he says, and the same sickening Force-sense comes with him. He sidles up to Obi-Wan, ignoring the humming blue blade, and Obi-Wan knows he could swing his arm to the side, cut the man in two, but he doesn't. He's not sure why he doesn't, isn't sure why he powers down the lightsaber and stands with it impotent in his hand. 

"Whatever game you're playing, you won't win," Obi-Wan proclaims, swallowing heavily. He has no idea what is happening, or why these dead men are appearing to him - he assumes it's the Son, playing tricks within the Force, but it doesn't make it feel any less real. Xanatos' hand running its way down his cheek certainly feels real, at least. "Don't. Touch me." He jerks away, holding his chin up, defiant.

"Tsk, tsk," Xanatos scolds, shaking a finger and smirking. "That's no way to talk to an old friend, now, is it?" His voice is smooth, silken, and his fingers are soft against Obi-Wan's skin. "Not after everything you've allowed me to do." The accusation stings, the implication that Obi-Wan ever allowed the things Xanatos had done to him when he was no more than a boy. And there it is again, that sense of failure, of weakness, of being lesser. 

"I allowed you nothing," he whispers, and Xanatos presses his lips down on Obi-Wan's and there is darkness once more.

\-----

 

Children's laughter jars him awake, and a swift punch to the gut makes him stand before he's fully aware of his new surroundings. For a moment he truly believes he is back in the Temple - the illusion of the Room of a Thousand Fountains is quite convincing, but it does not carry the serene calm in the Force it would were it real. 

A kick to the knee makes him fall, and the child's laughter turns into a voice. "Still clumsy as ever, Oafy-Wan," it taunts. "Even the farmers didn't want you." He looks up into the face of Bruck Chun and forgets for just a moment that he is an adult, a Jedi Master who has trained a Padawan to Knighthood. Instead he is a frightened child once more, and they are both transported by his memories to the top of one of the towering waterfalls.

He stands on the slick rocks, using the Force to steady himself, maintain his balance. "You're dead," he informs Bruck. "Everyone here is already dead, and the dead cannot hurt me." He's saying it to himself, and repeats it in his head, a mantra. The dead cannot hurt him, these are merely memories. 

But Bruck's hands on his arms are real enough and the words he spits are true, from a certain point of view. "Dead because of you!"

Obi-Wan shakes his head. He's sure the Son is merely culling trauma from his own mind, but it's hard to differentiate with Bruck Chun standing in front of me, the sting of Xanatos' lips still on his, Qui-Gon's disapproval ringing through the Force-darkened room. "It was an accident," he says. "You're not really here."

Bruck lashes out, and Obi-Wan grabs his fist before it can make contact with the practiced ease of a Jedi Master. "I will not repeat the past," he says, but he can hear the waver in his own voice because he's doing exactly that. He pushes Bruck backwards, and then shouts because Bruck loses his footing, topples back over the precipice but this time he doesn't catch himself and he falls and lands with a sickening crack on the rocks below. Obi-Wan doesn't cry out, instead sits back on his haunches. There's no point in fighting, and he closes his eyes and waits for the next torment.

\-----

 

A monster on mechanical legs, clacking metal-upon-metal and the smell of the reactor core in Theed. Obi-Wan knows before he opens his eyes what he will see. "No," he says and keeps his eyes closed, hands resting lightly on his knees in traditional meditation pose. 

"Face me, Kenobi," Darth Maul snarls. "Finish what you started." There's no way he can be alive and his voice sounds like the Son's but Obi-Wan opens his eyes anyway to look up into the crazed yellow irises of the one who took everything from him. 

"I will not fight you," he says. 

Maul snarls, all broken teeth and rage. His lightsaber is out, both ends humming, and he slashes the floor in front of Obi-Wan's knees, sparks flying up and burning his face. "Finish it," he hisses. 

"I will not fight you," Obi-Wan repeats and winces as the lightsaber's glowing red blade ghosts across his throat, close enough to scorch. 

He feels the Force wrapping around him, standing him up, depositing him onto his feet. "Don't you want revenge?" Maul asks, twirling his lightsaber before him invitingly. "For what I did to your Master, for making you into a failure?"

Obi-Wan shakes his head. He doesn't want to reach for his own blade, but he does, knowing the only way this encounter will end is if he fights. "I did not fail," he replies. "I killed you." He takes a deep breath. "Revenge is not the Jedi way." Except he wants it, had wanted it then and still does because Darth Maul took everything, ripped it apart and Obi-Wan has done his best to piece it all back together, but he has failed. 

"Then you are not a Jedi," Maul counters, and strikes.

It's not the same as the battle on Theed. Obi-Wan is not the same man he was then, but he's not sure the man he has become is any better because he is allowing himself to become angry, at the Son for the illusion, at Maul for destroying everything, at himself for failing over and over and over again. 

The anger fuels him and the Force turns red. Maul is no match for this, the quiet fury Obi-Wan knows now he has always carried inside him. And so what kind of Jedi does that make him? What kind of man? He beats Maul back, corners him, and the specter disappears as Obi-Wan swings his blade to end it all.

\-----

 

He's on his knees again when he thinks he has finally been rescued. "Master!" It's Anakin, running towards him. "Master, I found you!"

It takes everything in him not to embrace his friend, to thank him for saving him from this nightmare. Instead, he stands. "It certainly took you long enough." If he can sound normal, if he can stop his hands from shaking, this will all be okay and he can go back to being Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

Anakin stiffens, and Obi-Wan looks at him fully for the first time and what he sees makes his hope vanish because this is not Anakin, it surely can't be. The Force swirls around him in a dark maelstrom, his eyes are yellowed and hooded, and the rage - the rage and despair emanating from the man he calls brother is suffocating. 

"Anakin!" Surely this is another of the Son's illusions, but all of the others have been of those long-dead. Anakin is, to Obi-Wan's knowledge, very much alive. Anakin is prone to fits of anger. Anakin is reckless and impulsive and if he thinks turning will save someone he loves... Obi-Wan has always trusted that the Light within Anakin would triumph. Mortis has made him less certain and what certainty he has left drains away when Anakin raises a hand, lifting Obi-Wan by a Force-grip around his neck. He can feel his toes scraping the stone floor and Anakin strides forward until they are nearly nose-to-nose. Anakin's Force signature stinks of the Dark Side, and the air around them stinks of sulfer and suddenly it's unbearably hot and Anakin still has him in the invisible bonds of the Force. "Anakin, why?" he chokes out.

"I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire," Anakin informs him, voice low, daring Obi-Wan to challenge him. "I've become more powerful than any Jedi." His lips peel off his teeth in a feral smile. "I've become more powerful than YOU, my Master." He lowers his hand and Obi-Wan drops to the ground, hot to the touch, lava flows surrounding him on all sides. 

Unlike the other spectres, Anakin does not openly taunt him about his failure. His very presence, steeped in the Dark Side, is testament enough, is untarnished proof that everything Obi-Wan has worked for and struggled with and overcome has been for nothing. Anakin was his greatest accomplishment, and now his greatest failure and even if this is merely the Son ripping insecurity from his mind, it is still Anakin standing here, wild-eyed, mad with power. 

"Do you want to see what else I've done?" Anakin asks, sounding like an eager child, excited to share an accomplishment. Obi-Wan shakes his head, but Anakin puts his hands on either side of Obi-Wan's head, and Obi-Wan SEES - slaughtered Younglings, the Temple in flames, Padme Amidala gasping for air as an invisible noose tightens around her neck. "All thanks to your training," Anakin whispers, and releases him.

Obi-Wan takes shaking steps backwards, away from the monster wearing his friend's face. "You're not Anakin," he says, holding up a hand as if the gesture would ward off the truth standing in front of him. "You can't be."

"Not anymore," Anakin agrees, and gestures, the Force pulling Obi-Wan close. "I'm so much better, now," he says, ghosting his lips across Obi-Wan's cheek. "Goodbye, Master." 

Like Xanatos, Anakin pulls him close and kisses him but this is not a teasing kiss, this is deep and longing and Obi-Wan nearly sinks into it, nearly fists his hands in Anakin's hair and nearly begs him to stay because whatever Anakin has become, or will become, or hasn't become if this is a trick, matters because Obi-Wan needs something to hang on to, and until now that something has been Anakin. 

He can't articulate any of it, because Anakin disappears and he is alone again.

\-----

He's not sure how much time passes, but no more visions come to him, no more illusions. His wrists are again shackled together and he kneels in the middle of the room with his head bowed. He tries to meditate, but the Force keeps slipping away from him. When he is able to access it, the meditation brings no comfort. The meditation shows him his failures, and his agony as if holding up a mirror so eventually he gives up trying.

"Obi-Wan." 

His old Master looks concerned, and the Force feels right again - Light and crisp, not like the first time he had appeared in this prison, a glamour produced by the Son. "Leave me alone," Obi-Wan manages. Even if this truly is Qui-Gon, he doesn't want to hear what he might have to say because nothing will change any of the truths the Son has laid bare. 

"You must leave this place," Qui-Gon tells him. 

Obi-Wan holds up his chained wrists. "I can't," he says, "I'm trapped here." Just because Qui-Gon can appear and disappear at will doesn't mean Obi-Wan can, after all - just another weakness, just another failure.

Qui-Gon looks down at Obi-Wan's wrists, and Obi-Wan follows his gaze, and the shackles are gone. He looks up again, and Qui-Gon says, "The only one keeping you here is yourself."

He blinks, and lowers himself down. Obi-Wan rests his head against the stone, and waits for rescue.


End file.
